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Allie

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hmmmmm........... [Aug. 14th, 2005|02:45 pm]
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So I just spent like 30 minutes writing an email to Rajat, for those of you who don't know who that is, he's my "pen pal" from India. I've been emailing him for 4 years now. Long time. Anyways, these email has a lot to say and alot of my dreams and hopes so I thought I would copy and paste some of it on here... so yeah, here it is. Well some of it, the rest is just the whole, hope everything is going good with you, how's work? that sort of thing!

Hey Rajat,

Sorry about sounding so depressed. It's just been a very, very hard summer for me. I thought it was going to be so fun, swimming for 2 days, working on the weekends by myself. But it's just been Hell, I decided that I'm not ever, never going to do anything like this again. And I'm going to inform my sister that I've been babysitting for her off and on for the past 10 years and I'm done. I'm not doing it anymore. She needs to find someone else. She put alot of responsibilty on me and I just can't handle it anymore. I'll tell you a secret that I've never told anyone else... I got my first job at 17 just so I wouldn't be able to babysit for her anymore. Being 17 I could pretty much only work the weekends and that's usually when she wanted me to babysit. Does that make me a horrible person?

It seems that everything I want to do I can't for some reason or another. Take today for instance. I just want to go to Kelly's house and burn some cd's but I can't because I have to work. I want to travel the world and see so many different places. I want to travel to Ireland and walk along their green rolling hills. I want to walk the sands of Egypt and see so many of the sights there. I want to walk where the Pharaohs of Ancient Egypt once walked. I want to walk the streets of London on a cold, rainy night. I want to go to Greece and stay on the island of Santorini. I want to see the birthplace of Apollo. I want to go to Rome and see the Colosseum. I want to go to India and finally get to meet you in person.

Of course I can't do all of these things right now because well it's very expensive but I want an adventure. I want to go on a wonderful adventure, just me and finally figure out just who I really am. I want to be able to spread my wings and finally fly. But family responsibilty is holding me back, I feel like I need to be here for my family because they need me. Honestly, Rajat, I don't want to be needed. I wish they could all just get along without me. But then again, I'm scared to actually do any of these things because for so long I've taken their responsibilties on my own shoulders and I would feel like I'm just leaving them all in the dark.


Says alot about me I think. I hope that everyone is having a good day, after telling him and all of you all of those things, I feel so much better!
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